Unexpected Twist

In general, I usually don't talk to guys from California. There's the 3 hour time difference plus the fact that you'd hardly get to see each other on a regular basis. Yet I came across this one guy on the dating site that caught my eye (translation: cute) and we started talking.

The conversations initially were actually really good. I never felt the time difference because he always went out of his way to talk to me - if I called on my drive home from work, he'd find somewhere in his office he could get some privacy and talk to me even though it might just be late afternoon for him. He had a deep voice that I instantly became attracted to. And to top it off, he was in the midst of finalizing an offer on the East Coast, just an hour from where I lived. All the more incentive for me to get to know this guy now!

As I said, our conversations were really good...initially. At some point I noticed him being "short" with me sometimes. Once we got into this discussion and we both had strong opposing viewpoints (about a rather silly topic) - well believe it or not, the way he started talking down to me actually made me cry (I was so surprised by his tone, but they were silent tears - he had no idea). My gaurds went up but not wanting to base anything on one not so great conversation when the others had been good, I continued talking to him. For the most part our chats from there on were just fine, but stories he would tell me flagged for me that he may have some anger issues and I wasn't sure I wanted to go down that path. And therein lies this feeling sometimes of not just walking away and giving everyone a chance since I feel like I have to and I should or I'll never get married. Especially because I know I'm naive and try and see the best in everyone.

I was really pushing for us to meet --- phone calls are only going to get you so far and I've been in that situation too many times when everything clicks on the phone and there's no chemistry in person. About 2 months after we started talking his interview was scheduled - he would be in the area for two days and we decided to meet up one of the nights.

A few days before we were going to meet up (and I was actually looking forward to finally just meeting) he dropped a bombshell on me. He tells me he's a cancer survivor. It kind of just came out. He really did not mean to tell me on the phone, he was going to tell me in person. Shocked is an understatement. I had a lot of questions and I was amazed by his maturity in that he answered all of them, very openly. He's been in remission for more than 10 years which is a great sign and he expects to be fine. I wasn't really sure how I felt (especially because I have seen other people close to me suffer in a bad way due to illnesses and wasn't sure I could willingly sign up for that) but I figured I'd let it sink in for a few days and see how it was when I met him.

Well when we met, he didnt exactly look like his picture....and I wasn't attracted to him, at all. Over dinner I could tell he liked me. He asked me if I had anymore questions about his illness. He told me he thought his 'anger issues' where somewhat linked to all he went through. My heart went out to him. I can't imagine what he and his family have gone through. He was easy to talk to and I could see us being friends if he moved to the area, but that was it. When I was dropping him back to his hotel, in the car he was saying how we should get together again soon and spend more time together - that he can come back or I should go see him. I didnt really say anything. I finally told him that he knew I had concerns about the way we got along (which I had mentioned a few times in terms of the way he talked to me) and that I just wasn't sure. He said he knows he has things he needs to work on but would like to give this a chance. After I dropped him off he called me while I was driving home. I said a few more times that at this point I just wasnt sure (and I emphasized it was due only to the way we got along). A few days later we were talking on the phone and I made it clear that I was only interested in being friends. I think he was disappointed but understood. We still keep in touch sporadically.

Finally, someone that seems like he was so into me. Sucks that it wasn't mutual. I learned a lot about myself through this experience though. What I am and am not open to. What I should not put up with. What I should and should not compromise on. And what's really important to me in a relationship.