Date With Brooklyn

Brooklyn is a guy I technically met 2 years ago online. We chatted a few times (on chat, not the phone) and things didnt seem to really click and it never went anywhere. Recently we got back in touch and started talking on the phone...our first conversation actually ended up being really good and for the following days we emailed each other continuously from work and talked at night. In just a few days we discovered that I liked to have lighthearted chatter with someone initially and he liked to get into some serious conversations. When I brought this up, that we hadn't even met each other and I didn't want to invest so much into someone I never even met, he said fine, no more serious stuff. He def. tried and it was cute :) I don't think we always get each other which is sometimes frustrating, but we're both trying. On his side, he kept saying I was this girl that acted all tough but he was betting inside I was just this big softie. He works just 10 miles from me and was telling me how he had debated just showing up outside my office with 2 cups of coffee in the afternoon and telling me to come outside. Cute :)

So we finally had our first date. According to Brooklyn this was just a "meeting" since he doesn't ask a girl on a date until he's at least met her. Fine, call it what you want! He quickly discovered I enjoyed wining & dining...and made it clear to me that that is not how he is. I said that's fine, I'm open to new experiences :) Then he spends all this time to find a nice restaurant in NJ to meet me at :) I thought going to NY would be more fun (I know, I know!) and he asks me if I've ever walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. I hadn't...and in my mind I was liking the sound of how romantic that could be!

I took the train into NY but told him I had a curfew of 1:30am which was the last train back :) When the conductor said "hey pretty lady" to me when he came by to get my ticket, I was feeling it was going to be a good night! Maybe I'm just feeling more confident these days and its apparent in the way I carry myself - I definetly have noticed a difference in how I feel and people's reactions to me.

As I got off the train and was walking towards him and his car, I noticed he was tall. As I got closer and saw his face, I thought to myself "he's cute!". What a relief! :) He was bigger than I had thought but he was cute so I decided to see how things went. We immediately continued to have the ease of conversation in person that we had in the car and he even commented on how easily it transitioned, like this wasn't the first time we were meeting. I def. felt some attraction from both our sides. He looks at me and says you're a total girly girl aren't you? I laughed and said not at all, but sometimes I like to be.

We had dinner at this restaurant in the village and sat outside. I can always tell if a guy is interested because he'll order vegetarian food with me so we can share. Brooklyn ordered Salmon. BUT as he was eating he realized it probably bothered me and felt bad and said he should have ordered something else. Okay, the fact that he even said something was sweet. Then he was like can I give you a compliment? I just looked at him and said I don't know, I dont take them very well :) He was like yeah, I noticed that on the phone. He tells me I look a lot younger than my age. Now that I can hear and smile about - what woman doesn't want to hear that! Then he tells me that I'm very attractive. At one point some guy tells the hostess she's very pretty and Brooklyn looks at me and says oh, I thought he was talking to you! I just gave him this look and he starts laughing and says what, you didnt like that? :)

We end up hanging out at the restaurant for awhile...because our waiter never comes by with the check! We even considered just getting up and leaving at one point! :) He tells me that I was quieter in person and that he felt like he was doing a lot of the talking (which I tried to change after he said that). I just looked at him and he's like damn, your eyes are piercing when you look at someone. Haha! I was talking...and observing. Brooklyn grew up in...Brooklyn. So he does have a little of that Brooklyn attitude and way of talking. Never gone out with anyone like that before. And for anyone that watches General Hospital - he went to high school in Bensenhurst! I didnt even know that was a real place :) I let him know that was where my gangster was from in my favorite soap :) Also as we sat over dinner it was bothering me a little that he was a little on the bigger side, esp. in his face. By no means is he huge, he's a 6 feet guy with some extra weight.
Anyway, then we went for drinks. As we're talking he starts laughing and tells me I have the voice of a little girl. I was like what?! He tells me he thinks its cute though. Great! I couldn't really finish my drink as I was starting to get sleepy. We realize that we'd have to skip the Brooklyn Bridge if I wanted to catch my train. I really wanted to go, as did he, so we're both like fine, we'll figure it out. I told him I thought there was a 6am train I could catch and he said he wasn't going to let me wait by myself in the train station until 6am and if anything he'd drive me home or wait with me.

We got to the Brooklyn Bridge and started walking...me in my heels wondering how far I was going to get! At one point the concrete turns into wooden boards and my heels started getting stuck everytime I took a step. So I took off the shoes and walked barefoot. Brooklyn said this was a first for him! As we were walking, I realized something. He has the same structure as my brother, I mean at times it was kind of like the same! Okay, that wierded me out a little!! We walked all the way until the 2nd pillar and then turned around to walk back. He was pointing out all these places to me and pointed out where the towers were. I said oh, thats Midtown right? He burst out laughing and was like wow, you really are clueless aren't you? Haha :)

Halfway back we sat down at these benches. It was such a beautiful view of the city. We ended up sitting there and talking for a long time. We talked about some of the people we dated in the past and I was telling him about some of the things that were important to me. As we were talking I started wondering/realizing...OMG, am I looking for someone just like Eagle?! I couldnt believe how much as I was talking (and he couldnt believe it either)! But then he was like you like to talk, don't you? To hear yourself talk? Haha :) As we sat there I wasn't feeling that initial attraction and excitement as when I first saw him- I don't know if it was because I was tired/it was so late or because maybe it wasn't there?! Either way, I was enjoying myself and being there with him and talking to him (which has got to count for something!) so I didnt give it much thought.

Around 4am or so we started walking again down the bridge. And of course...it starts pouring rain!!! We are soaked, I mean soaked. We finally get under this structure to get a cab and he looks at me and says I like your hair wet like that, you look nice. I just smiled and said no I don't! But of course it was nice to hear. When we got to his car he insisted on driving me home considering how wet we are. I didnt resist too much because I couldn't imagine sitting in a cold train like that. Brooklyn was super sweet and drove me home and kept offering me an extra shirt he had in the car to help me get more comfortable. He asked me if I had a good time and I said yes, what about you? He was like, it was allright :) We got to the train station where my car was parked at 5:30am! He said this was def. the longest "meeting" he'd ever had though! We gave each other a hug goodbye and he started on his drive home (which by the way, he lives like 10 minutes outside of the city so he came a long way to drop me!)

So that was my date with Brooklyn! I realized we don't have a lot in common (in terms of our interests) but I'd still go out with him again....let's see what happens....! As he kept telling me, "there's just something about you"....well, maybe there's just something about him?!

My Epiphany

I am the center of my world (as are most people probably, but me perhaps a little moreso) and I need someone else's world to revolve around me too, even if just a portion of it. In order for this to ever happen, I need to find "my person", and even though I dont know who he is or where he is, sometimes I really miss him. Especially when I'm feeling alone.

A few months ago I found out I was going to need surgery. Nothing life-threatening, but I've never had surgery before and there were moments when I was really scared and felt like I had no one to talk to. There was one night in particular when I first found out that I remember being home by myself and just curling up on the sofa and feeling so alone, wishing I had a boyfriend or husband who was going to listen to every little thought running through my head, who was going to care as much as I cared about my fears. My friends were great - when they knew I really needed to talk, they let their kids whine and cry in the background and told me to just keep on talking. It was super sweet of them to listen, and I learned to keep talking through screams for mommy's attention. But I didnt have my "own person" who I could just turn to in any given moment, at any time of the day or night, that was available when I needed to talk - and I missed it a lot at that time.

I had my surgery last week, and thank God, everything is fine and this past week I have been home recovering. And now here I am again today, missing "my person". People always say not to have expectations because when you do, you just get disappointed. Maybe I shouldn't have them but in the back of my head I know I have expectations of those close to me because I feel like I always make an effort to be there for them. But that is my choice, I can't expect that from them, not now, not when everyone's lives have gotten so busy with their own families. In my head I know that, its my heart that sometimes takes time to catch up. I haven't had an engagement party or a wedding or baby shower or my kid's first birthday party. And even though its not a good one, this was a "major" event in my life - and I thought all those close to me would come visit me or at least send a card to say "Get Well Soon" - something, anything. And not just my close Indian friends, my American friends too. Don't get me wrong - everyone close to me has called multiple times to check in on me and see how I'm doing and that has meant so much to me. My parents haven't left me alone for a minute. One friend drove over an hour to come visit and one cousin's family came. It felt so nice to have them over. Maybe more people will stop by this weekend because it is a weekend and its easier, who knows. Part of me doesn't care anymore - its not like anyone proactively called to say they wanted to come by this weekend. I sound mad, don't I? I am mad - I'm mad at myself for expecting it, not from any one person, but worse - from everyone. Maybe its because multiple people told me they were coming by, and they didn't show. Maybe I'm just disappointed. Maybe all my meds just have me super emotional. Why can't the fact that people call me to check in on me be enough? The fact that they are thinking of me and taking time to call and get updates - showing that they care, thats whats important - I am the one being selfish, wanting more. I guess this was such a traumatic experience for me that I felt like I needed that little bit of extra in-person attention. It's why right now, I am mad. I am mad I being like this. I am mad I am making this an issue, even if just to myself. I am mad that "my person" is not here. Maybe if I had that person who loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me - if he was here, I wouldn't feel like I needed anyone else. He, and the family that we would build, along with my immediate family, would be enough.

As for now, I need to get over myself. Just because my world revolves around me, doesn't mean anyone else's does. And its not going to, not until 'my person' finally surfaces. My epiphany? It happened as I was writing this - even though its been a fact for awhile, I'm finally getting that everyone else has their own families that their world revolves around. My friends and I, at one point in our lives, our worlds did completely mesh. While unfortunately things haven't moved on for me, they have for everyone around me. I finally, finally get what that sometimes will translate into. And now that I get it, its not so bad. I am so grateful for the family and friends I do have, the people who mean so much to me. And judging by the number of people that keep checking in on me, whether they stop by or not, I know that I mean just as much to them.

Epiphanies are a good thing. Mine has really helped put things into perspective for me and helped me realize where the value in something truly lies.