Update on Mr. Chicago...And Let Me Tell Ya About Mr. Detroit....

Wow, its been forever since I've written! Well I wish I had this wonderful love story to share with you...but everytime I thought I got close to being able to share one, life took another twist.

Mr. Chicago:
We went out 2 more times. And seriously, like wow in terms of being able to just kick back and laugh and flirt with someone. Every conversation was fun and I was really getting excited about this guy! And then before I left for a nice long vacation, he tells me he wants us to see each other more often if this is going to go somewhere...that he's going to miss me when I'm gone and to stay in touch. So I stay in touch....and he disappears! Shazaam! Just gone. Never to be heard from again. In retrospect, his surgeon "I am God" attitude, combined with his vulgar language, may have been much to handle in the long run. So I have to keep believing that things happen for a reason and someone better is out there for me.

Enter Mr. Detroit:
We had been talking for a little while and then we finally met up in January, he flew out to come meet me and we spent a nice day in NY together followed by dinner the night after. We both had a good time and we texted and talked everyday after that. He was the "nice guy", the one I needed to fall for and end up with...the one where everything was going to be happily ever after. Sometimes I felt like we didnt really get each other but I figured let me give it time. He wasn't finding everything cute about me the way people do when they first meet you, but I figured let me give it time. I went out to see him and we spent a weekend together, overall having a pretty good time. He really took care of me when I was there and it was no doubts fun. Every now and then he would mention things about us in the future and it was nice. Well, here's the kicker. Cause with everyone I meet, there always seems to be one. He has depression. Been dealing with it for years. He sees a therapist on and off and at times it has gotten really really bad. He mentioned maybe he shouldn't be in a relationship right now because he has some deep issues he needs to deal with. And then tonight, during another "down" day, he said it again...that even his therapist has mentioned to him over the years that he may not be ready for relationships. He said he knew he wasnt being fair to me and not giving me what he should be....and so tonight, that too ended. Part of me was trying super hard to make it work....but I have to say, there is some relief in that its over. I kept wondering what life with him would be like, and would I be able to deal with him if he became suicidal. I knew I would live with that fear everyday. I didnt know how bad his depression really was....but after talking to him tonight, I know its not where I want to be, nor is he in a place in his life where he can truly love someone. He said he's tried before and even in a relationship, he's felt lonely. I am proud of him for realizing that he needed to figure things out in his life. And I am proud of me for not trying to convince him otherwise or for holding onto something out of desperation.

So here I am. Alone again. Going to have to start going through the profiles, one after another. Hoping to come by one that works, or one I can make work. I just want something to work. As you can see, I am willing to try at this point in my life with anyone that seems decent (well, there's gotta be some basis there for it!) But seriously, after a guy who tells me he's a cancer survivor, another one that literally played with my emotions and this third one that had depression.....can't I get a break??! As relieved as I am to be free of Mr. Detroit, I'm scared out of my mind of being alone.....