Last weekend on Sunday I actually went to Barnes & Noble and picked up the book one of my closest friends (who's an Eagle hater) had reminded me of a few weeks ago - "he's just not that into you". I read the first 3 chapters and realized, that yes, every sign they are talking about when a guy is not into you - is true for when it comes to Eagle. Then Monday I got to work and basically ignored everything I read because I just wanted to talk to him and there started another week of all the endless things I mentioned above. Oh, and did I mention that about 2 weeks ago Eagle & I made plans to hang out this past weekend (plans of course that I initiated) and that he was going to come to where I lived this time - yes, he was going to drive about 2 hours and come visit me! He hasn't done that in months. So I'm thinking - this is a good thing, right?!
The week leading up to this past weekend was a busy one for me. On top of everything else, I started another "project" for Eagle - similar to the scrapbook I had made him of our first couple of months together (admittedly one of the coolest things I have ever made anyone). This time it was something I had documented that captured our last 6 months....you see next Saturday, May 17th, will be 6 months since Eagle came into my life (5 months since our first date but 6 months since we first "met"). As I was putting this together, and in a way re-living the past 6 months, I started realizing how things were amazing up until February, and how much they changed in March/April once we had had the talk about what was happening (or not happening) between us. I guess the "chase" was over for him and everything changed. And then parts of April and all of May so far have been back to chatting all the time...But still, reliving all of it made me realize how much this really isn't the way its suppose to be.
There was this project above I was working on, and at the same time last week I started telling Eagle that he was going to be my MOH (Made of Honor). Perfect timing on this movie being released! We started joking about it a lot, and I started realizing more and more that maybe that is all Eagle really is to me. Could he just be my guy best friend?
Friday night Eagle came over - he brought me some chocolates from this trip he went on a few weeks ago. Nice! Of course selfishly I was like no flowers? But then I immediately told myself - no, no flowers. I didn't even get my usual welcome kiss. Okay, I was kinda expecting that but okay, fine. I had told him to dress up (i.e., no jeans) and I wore a dress and we went out to a really nice restaurant for dinner. Dinner was great - he told me he liked my dress and my shoes, we talked, joked around. Then we went to this rooftop bar for drinks. Again, fun. We got back to my place, changed, and layed on the couch to watch some TV. We were watching this show about this guy that was a total player - and it was interesting how often Eagle "related" to him. And it made me realize how much I don't want to be with a guy like that. We fell asleep on the couch, woke up, and went into my room to sleep. Nothing happened. Nothing ever happens - now I don't even expect it.
Late Saturday morning we woke up. We kind of just laid in bed for a long time talking and joking around. I couldn't believe how many little things he remembered that I had told him in the past. At one point he was sleeping on his stomach and I remember thinking how great his back looked (through his t-shirt) and that he really was in great shape. And then I was joking with him about how big his pores were on his shoulder...and realizing how unattracted to them I am. Haha, I know - but hey! Baby steps, right?! I'm putting the guy out of my mind, and here was yet another reason to.
After we got ready, I gave him the project I had been working on. He seemed to like it - and started reading through it, more than I thought he would. Of course later he told me he couldn't believe I actually spent time putting that together but whatever. I think I did it more for me than him anyway. Then I asked him if he knew how the MOH story plays out - that in both My Best Friend's Wedding and in Made of Honor, both end up falling in love with their best friend. I told him he didn't realize it yet but that he was in love with me - and that he needed to get rid of his feelings now because I didn't want any drama at my wedding. We both laughed about it =)
We went out for a late lunch and then went to go see the movie Made of Honor. Patrick Dempsey's character in the movie is that of a total player...and once again, Eagle made comments and related to it in ways that (again) reminded me that this is not the kind of guy I want to be with. But there were parts of the movie, when Patrick Dempsey's character realizes he is in love with his best friend - all the little things they share together - that no other woman seems to care about - it really reminded me of my relationship with Eagle. There is so much he knows about me, so many little things that he goes out of his way to make sure are in place for me because he knows I like them. And when the girl in the movie asks Patrick Dempsey why in the 10 years that they knew each other he had never slept with her - he simply said "Because I wanted to keep you in my life". Simple as that. Eagle and I held hands while we watched the movie and joked around. On the way home I told him that if things happen for me as fast as they did for the woman in the movie, I wanted him to share a list of all the little things he knows I like and don't like with my fiance. And as I said this, I realized how much I cherish the little things with Eagle...and that hopefully whoever I am suppose to end up with, that he & I will share those things too...because those little things have been the best part about having Eagle in my life.
When Eagle left, he gave me a quick peck on the lips goodbye. And for the first time since I have met him, I felt content. A bit sad, but content. Between my project and watching MOH and all of his player comments, I finally got over him - he's smooth and he knows how to treat a woman and it's why I fell for him, but I don't want to end up with a guy like him. And I remembered how beautiful my ex used to make me feel and how with Eagle all weekend long I never once got that feeling...instead all I kept thinking was maybe I am too fat and that's why he's not attracted to me? Every woman deserves to feel good. I am glad though that things didn't just end with Eagle months ago - I would have had a really hard time getting over him. It just gradually happened these past few months. And yes, it took me that many months to hear him when he's clearly said more than once where he stands. I don't see Eagle not being in my life, I am sure he will be. I am sure we will still talk and email and text and see each other here and there. I love having him in my life. But I finally can say that I am not in love with him.
I picked up the book again - he's just not that into you. Here are the title chapters:
1. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out
2. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You
3. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Dating You
4. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Having Sex With You
5. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Having Sex With Someone Else
6. He's Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants To See You When He's Drunk
7. He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Want To Marry You
8. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Breaking Up With You
9. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Disappeared On You
etc, etc (goes on)
The titles are enough - but backed up with all the examples, its like WOW! Clear as day. I've only read the first 4 chapters but I'm finishing this book. To keep reminding me how Eagle is not for me, and to keep these things top of mind with whomever else I meet.
Whomever else I meet. That means back to really seriously dating. As I said, and as one of my friends reminds me, its all in the numbers. I need to meet a lot more men, quickly. One of them has to work out, right?!
I'll keep you posted on Eagle. But hopefully you'll be reading a lot more about other new men that come into my life! Keep your fingers crossed me for me that Mr. Right comes into my life soon, very very soon.
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