We got the message this morning...another cousin in India, engaged. This one should make me happy - she's 5 or 6 years younger than me, and has been "looking" for almost as long as I have. So I know exactly how she's been feeling, I know how depressed she's gotten at times - not finding anyone she likes, guys rejecting her, the disappointment and stress her parents feel. So I should be super happy for her, right? I should be...and I will be...once the pit in my stomach is gone, once that feeling of "and here I am, still alone" subsides.
Maybe arranged marriages aren't so bad, at least she'll be a "Mrs." in just one month's time. I can only imagine the bliss that she's feeling right now, how happy her parents must be. While we are all happy for her, I can't avoid the sadness in my own mom's eyes, wondering when she'll be able to share news like this about her own daughter.
I might actually be in India for work during the time of the wedding. That part makes me sigh out loud - another wedding, another room full of people wondering why I am still single, what is wrong with me, asking me when its going to be my turn. I dread it. I almost wish the dates of my trip don't conicide with the wedding - how awful is that?! I wish more than anything that I could be jumping up and down in joy for my cousin right now, excited that I will be able to attend her wedding....because if the situation was reversed, I know she would do that for me.
Of course I will go to her wedding if I am there, and be super happy for her because she truly deserves it - I only know too well what these last few years have been like for her. She is an amazing person and has a bigger heart than most people I know, I truly am happy that she has found happiness. I have to have hope that one day I, and my family, will get to experience the joy she is feeling right now. To know that things will finally work out.
But today, for one day, I am sad for me.
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